t-h-u-g!

Bumalik Na Lang Kayo Bukas

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 14:42:45 GMT

Pagkalipas ng dalawang taong pagtatrabaho, sa wakas ay makukuha ko na din ang pinakaaasam na SSS card. Napag-alaman kong SSS main office na lang ang tanging nagi-issue ng card.

Dahil sa mahiwagang card, naglakbay ako tungo sa malayong lupain ng QC. Hapon na nang ako'y makarating. Maraming tao sa loob ng opisina kahit mahal na araw. Nagtatanong-tanong na ako kung saan ang pila.

Wala. Wala na daw. Bumalik na lang kayo bukas. Anong bukas? Naka-quota na ang taong nasa counter. Hanggang number 954 lang. Sori ka na lang number 955. Kahit magmakaawa, magmura o maglupasay ka pa ay walang mangyayari. Bumalik na lang kayo bukas.

Di ba nila alam na ilang kabundukan ang inakyat ko at ilang karagatan ang tinawid ko para lang sa card na yan? Isama na natin ang ilang bulubundukin, burol, talampas�lahat na ng anyong lupa�na aking inakyat. At ilang ilog, lawa, batis, dalampasigan, kanal, imburnal�lahat na ng anyong tubig na tinuro noong Grade 1�na tinawid ko. Tapos sasabihin mo lang: Bumalik na lang kayo bukas.

Pagka-fill up ng E6 form ay ise-skedule ka nila para sa piktyur taking. At oo, babalik ka na naman para doon. Bawal ba itong camphone na lang ang gamitin? Itong 1x1 full body piktyur sa wallet ko na lang kaya? Hindi pwede. Bumalik na lang kayo bukas.

Agahan po ninyo bukas. Mga 5 pwede nang pumila. 7 magbubukas na ang opisina. Ano ito? Pila sa Wowowee? Excuse me po. May mapapanalunan ba kaming isang milyong piso o house and lot o pampasaherong dyipni o Sinski motorsiklo�kahit consolation man lang na Energo o Arthtricin gift pack�pag pumila kami dyan? Basta ho. Pumila na lang kayo bukas.

Bukas malamang ay pababalikin na naman ako bukas. At sa isang bukas. At sa isa pang bukas. Walang katapusang bukas.

Juan Tamad

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:53:37 GMT

Nakakatamad gumising sa umaga
Nakakatamad magsiping sa kama
Nakakatamad mag-isip
Lalo na kung wala ka namang isip

Nakakatamad pumasok sa iskwela
Nakakatamad pumasok sa opisina
Nakakatamad umuwi sa bahay
Nakakatamad gumawa ng gawaing-bahay
Nakakatamad ang buhay

Grabe nakakatamad maging tamad

Office Perks

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:06:01 GMT

Ah, the perks of work. The perks that make you come to office with a smile everyday. Let's check out what these perks are.

FREE INTERNET. Free hundreds of megabytes per second. Surf here. Download there. You go website hopping on your break time and sometimes even during office hours secretly behind your boss. Then you stumbled upon this: The page is blocked. Your company blocks a ~~bunch~~ couple of sites�Yahoo Mail, Meebo, Friendster, Multiply, YouTube. What ~~porn~~ site are you trying to access again? Forget it.

FREE COFFEE. Thirsty? Sleepy? Need antioxidants? Grab a cup of coffee in the pantry. Drink all you can. Some offices even have tea, hot chocolate, and juice in the pantry. It's your choice. Coffee or tea? Hot or cold? Sugar or cream? You have an officemate who drinks lots of hot chocolate in a day and ends up in the toilet. So drink at your own risk.

FREE FOOD. Everybody loves free food. With free food comes long, boring meetings. Your mouth is busy with food while your ears are picking up the meeting agenda. What did you talk about last meeting again? You just said you were all ears on the meeting. Or is it all mouth? Overtime? No problem as long as, you guessed it, there's free food.

HEALTH BENEFITS. You are given by your company an HMO card upon regularization. It's like a credit card but can only be used in the hospitals and on doctors. Happy shopping! Get cough, colds, virus, and disease. Free check-up. Hospitalization is at 50% off. Medicines not included.

BONUS. You just hit jackpot! You are awarded for your loyalty, diligence, perseverance, honesty, godlike qualities, gorgeousness. You made it sure that your boss knows that you prefer cash.

Have a nice day in the office!

Para Kay B: A Review

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 07:05:59 GMT

Is it true that there�s a quota in love�that only one out of five among us will end up happy, and four out of five will be devastated by love?

The novel is about five different women. Five different characters. Five different stories. One love.

The novel is about love: Young love and extramarital love. Forbidden love between a brother and a sister and between a (wo)man and another (wo)man. Learning to love and forgetting love. Finding love. Losing love. Finding love again. Losing it once again.

Love. One word. Four letters. Describing it exhausts you sentences, paragraphs, stories, and novels like Para Kay B (O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-Ibig ang 4 Out of 5 Sa Atin).

Ricky Lee writes very well�casual, descriptive, bursting with emotions. He creates five women, each playing our own characters in the novel.

In the end, the question remains. Are you lucky to be the one who ends up happily ever after? Or are you one of the four out of five who are fated to be devastated by love?

May Pulis sa Ilalim ng Tulay

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 08:42:29 GMT

May pulis, may pulis sa ilalim ng tulay.

Bulaga! Huli ka! May pulis pala. Huwag mag-alala. Mababawasan na ang mga pasaway na pulis. Ipapadala na sila sa Pampanga para mag-training. Anong training? Good Manners and Right Conduct. Yan ang napakagaling na ideya ni tsip.

Wala ba silang subject na GMRC noong elementary? Di yata nakatikim ng patpat o ruler ni titser ang mga sutil na pulis noong kabataan nila. Di man lang sila nasampal ng lumilipad na pambura na binudburan ng tsok. Kaya naman pala humaba ang mga sungay ng pulis sa ilalim ng tulay.

Dapat lahat ng ga-graduate sa training ay Best in Conduct. Dapat mapalitan ng halo ang kanilang mga sungay. Oo, di lang bastang Mr. Nice Guy si mamang pulis. Dapat anghel na siya pagkatapos ng training dahil balak daw samahan ng Bible Study ang modules sa training. Baka lumipat na ng career ang mga iyan at isuko ang tsapa't baril para maging ganap na pari o pastor. Si Father ay dating pulis sa ilalim ng tulay!

Parang di akma ang GMRC training sa mga parak na pasaway. Para lang batang na-sermon ng mga magulang. Mas bagay siguro ang machong parusa�sanlibong push-up, sandamakmak na bugbog at sandamukal pang hirap. Titino na talaga iyan. Nasaan na ang mga astig na pulis sa ilalim ng tulay?

Top 5 Reasons Why You Miss School

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:58:38 GMT

5. TEACHERS � I'm not talking about terror professors like Miss Tapia of Iskul Bukol. I'm talking about your hot P.E. instructor and sexy Math professor. Numbers are sure fun and interesting with Ms. Math Tinik around.

4. BELL � There's this excitement you feel when the bell rings. You are saved by the bell�from a surprise test or a boring discussion. To you, the bell means recess, lunch break, dismissal, and sometimes fire drill.

3. ALLOWANCE � Everyday you receive baon or allowance from your parents. Your parents serve as your bank. You don't deposit yet you always withdraw cash. Interestingly, your bank�I mean your parents�never runs out of money. You miss saying: Mommy, where's my baon?

2. SEATMATE � You are always excited when you have your seating arrangement. Your seatmate, sometimes also called cheatmate, becomes your close friend. You share secrets, school supplies, and kodigos. What's even better is when your seatmate happens to be your crush. You just hit jackpot!

1. CRUSH � This is what you go to school for. Never mind the boring teachers and equally boring subjects, what is important is to see your crush everyday. You can still remember signing your friend's slum book. Who is your crush? And you wrote�Secret.

Paalam 2008

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 06:33:03 GMT

Bago tuluyang magpaalam sa taong 2008, rewind muna. Balikan natin ang adventures ng ating bida nitong taon.

Nakatanggap ng karangalan ang ating natatanging bida at kinilala bilang alter ego nito si Peter Petrelli. Kinilala din sa isang nominasyon ang team na kinabibilangan nito para sa Inspiration Award. Sabay-sabay: You're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration. Hindi lang iyan. Certified Microsoft Professional na ang ating bida. Nerd. Haha!

Opisyal na napasama ang ating bida sa isang malupit na grupo sa opis�ang IDS. Pinalitan ang pangalan ng grupo nang madagdagan ito ng bagong miyembro at naging IDSplus1. Oo, ang ating bida ang plus 1. Kasama nito ang buong barkada ng IDSplus1 sa kainan, kwentuhan pati kantahan after opis hours. Sino kaya ang susunod na manlilibre?

Sumabak sa isports at nagpapawis ang ating bida. Pagkalipas ng halos limang mahahabang taon ay muling napalaban ito sa badminton. Takbo dito. Takbo doon. Hampas dito. Hampas doon. Sumakit ang braso't binti nito sa pagpalo sa inabusong shuttlecock gamit ang hiram na raketa. Ipinakita nitong hindi lang siya pang-opisina, pang-isports pa!

First time ng ating bida na mapadpad sa Galera at magpaka-beach boy. Dito niya natuklasang masarap palang sumakay at mahulog sa higanteng saging (banana boat). Napatunayan din niyang maalat ang dagat nang makatikim ito ng tubig-dagat dahil sa pagkahulog nito sa sinasakyang higanteng saging sa dagat. Sa uulitin!

Sa mundo naman ng sining, nasiyahan ang ating bida nang makitang magbakbakan sina Batman at Iron Man sa sine ng libre. Binasa naman niya sa kanyang free time ang mga librong Ultraviolins ni Khavn ("ang amerika ay dambana ng pagmamahal, kalis ng libog, tabernakulo ng pagtataksil.") at Housebroken ni David Eddie ("Fertiize my eggs, or pack your bags.") na parehong nakakaaliw. Yun na. Ayos!

Paalam sa iyo 2008! Hello 2009!

Wet Christmas

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 17:24:52 GMT

I'm dreaming of a Wet Christmas...

Isang basang pasko sa inyong lahat!

Nakakatamad lumabas kasi umuulan kaya't nagpasko kami sa bahay. Ang Chistmas bonus ni itay ang ginamit para bumili ng napakaraming pagkain. Kailangang magpakabusog dahil pasko. At saan naman napunta ang Christmas bonus ko?

Ayun ginamit sa kompyuter. In-upgrade na naman. Una, motherboard at hard disk. Ngayon, video card at bumili na din ng bagong mouse. Ano na naman kaya ang susunod? Abangan.

Masaya ang pasko ng kapatid ko. Wala na siyang inatupag kundi ubusin ang oras sa harap ng kompyuter. Napakasipag maglaro ng iba't ibang games. Salamat sa aking Christmas bonus.

Leave ako noong 24. Napaka-productive ng araw na iyon. Tulog up to sawa. Kain. Basa ng libro. Idlip. Nood ng TV. Kain uli.

Ayoko lang talagang magtrabaho. Di naman halata. Kinabukasan pasko na. Late na akong nagising. Nag-iwan ng mensahe ang aking opismate. Listahan ito ng mga gagawin ngayong pasko. Hindi ito Christmas wish list. Ito ay listahan ng mga naiwang trabaho ngayong bakasyon. Waw.

Di naman ako naughty, Santa. Bakit ganun? Di na ako nag-drama pa. Binuksan ko ang laptop at ayun boring... trabaho.

Akala ko nakatakas na ako sa trabaho. Yun ang akala ko. Nautakan ako ni opismate. Ang ganda ng regalo niya sa akin ngayong pasko. Salamat.

Loser. Sa bahay na nga lang ako nag-pasko tapos nagtrabaho pa ako. Major Loser.

Nainggit tuloy ako sa mga taong gumala ngayong pasko. Lagi na lang nasa balita ang mga taong nagsisiksikan sa mall at bus terminal. Paulit-ulit. Alam na namin iyon. Uunahan ko na ang balita. Maraming tao sa karnibal ngayong pasko. Hindi nga?! Nakakagulat!

Pinatay ko na ang TV. Pinatay ko na ang news. Pinatay ko na ang reporters. Joke lang. Inggit lang siguro ako dahil may pera ang iba pang-Baguio at Star City.

Kakanta na lang ako: I'm dreaming of a Wet Christmas...

Ang lamig. Umuulan-ulan pa. Ang sarap matulog.

Alone On A Friday

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:28:47 GMT

It's a Friday! Not only that�it's Payday!

Don't ask how much I got. Checking my paycheck, I just lost a quarter of my dough to my three-letter bestfriend�TAX. This happens twice a month. Just like that.

Friday means night out. Bid farewell to my cube and then the office. While an officemate met two guys for a threesome date or what she calls a gimmick, I was on a long line of cash-deprived yuppies eagerly waiting his turn to milk the cash cow a.k.a. ATM machine.

Life is boring. Need the money to pay the bills. As someone said, it's expensive to be exciting.

No money. No honey. But I still went out on a date. With myself.

Yes, I was alone. Strolled the mall. Read some books for free in a bookstore. Used the public restroom. Ok. Enough. It was already late and time to go.

Finally, I got on a jeep. More like a disco on wheels. It was blasting with funky 80's music and had flashing neon light. Add some party people. We're good.

On the jeep, I felt that I was not alone. I was with fellow passengers on a trip. Each of us alone but together we had one thing in mind�going home.

Money Matters

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:37:32 GMT

As Dow is falling down and the global economy came tumbling after, our president said she is in control of everything on TV. What economy is she talking about? Timbuktu's economy?

The poor becomes poorer. The rich becomes less richer. One thing is for sure: everybody is saving up money.

Cost cutting is the name of the game in the office. Management orders conservation of energy, water, paper, paper towel, paper clips, staple wires, and office space. How to save office space fast? Fire (incompetent, lazy, ugly) people.

What if I lose my job? Then good. I'll have more time sleeping and watching TV. But I guess I'll miss my officemates, office work, and office supplies.

No work. No stress. No money.

Life is simple when money is not involved. Who invented money anyway? Can we go back to the barter system? Let's burn those bills.

You go first. Haha!